Chasing ghosts / sick beauty

late night ramblings

I am always hungry.             My stomach growls for a life i could not have.  A pregnancy I couldn’t birth.                 I am trying to beat the insatiable urge to sink my teeth into anyone

                                                           - or anything

Her cheeks flushed, a pretty shade of pink.    Sliced apples.    Stained knife sits accusingly on the sink.    I don’t need anyone.      You are     so much prettier than you think. 
She came through soaked wet with a damp hat over her dyed hair.       Dripping the evidence of her lies      all over the floor.              I am waiting for her to tell me the things i need to hear.        I am pouting at her door.                          Sad dog.             We are friends.       I think.    Sometimes she makes me feel like only we exist.              I think she makes everyone feel like this.            She is uncomfortably beautiful.                    I cannot think why I felt this necessary to mention. Less people seem beautiful me these days.             I see through the cheaply plastered disguise and bear witness to the hollow crevice where their souls should be.           No one is safe from the interpretations of others.       I will judge you.                You cannot make me love you.       The top of my mouth is burnt.             I am always too impatient to wait.         Chasing lost ghosts down toward the river.      Cutting myself open to serve adequacy.                              One night stands.      mismatched socks and long sleeved shirts.         there is sick beauty in my pain.               I push my bruise so it hurts and pick my scab so it bleeds.     I am a dead woman walking toward a grave in the woods.   Your chattering teeth give you away.    You are so full of life,      you feel the cold.       I am living vicariously through your shivering shoulders.

 You are naive and unfortunately stupid.          I would do anything for you.           
         i think i’ll wait a little while.     I am so tired of my mind.       I need someone else to think about.                                I miss you.

  I’m sorry.      

The curtains are an odd shade of blue.

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10/5

— Ahead she waits

Eyes like the rain

Beating my spirit

She tugs at my chain

I oblige politely

And

Loose myself in the pain

I am nothing but a body

She is nothing but my shame.          

I stole strawberry’s from the shop even though they were on sale. I think sometimes i do bad things just to feel something. the emptiness has a taste and I find myself chasing the lingering flavour in my mouth. I need it now. I am on the floor. licking stains out of the carpet.

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